For as long as I've been playing World of Warcraft, I've always wondered what it would be like to be given the opportunity to interview one of the most popular characters within the game. This week I had that very opportunity and found myself scratching my head in confusion. Thrall wasn't what I expected at all.

Tamat : Hey Thrall! Thank you for allowing me into your private quarters to have a small chat. ....Why are you looking at the ceiling?

Thrall :  Lok'tar human!  As Warchief of the Horde I struggle daily to maintain a balance between our shamanistic ancestry and modern fashion trends.  Do you think "Clefthide Brown" or "Zhevra Gray" would look better in here?

Tamat : Ummm, I don't know. I'm here to interview you, not answer questions about skinned hides! Anyway, what are your thoughts on the semi recent re-discovery of Northrend?

Thrall : Hmm.  In my communion with the elements, I've discovered some very disturbing things happening in Northrend that may well threaten all of Azeroth.  Not least of all, the alliance has recently moved in and already disco dancing is spreading amongst the indigenous populations! Also, I requested that Level 80 Elite Tauren Chieftain hold a series of concerts in Warsong Hold. They claim they can "melt faces," but I told them, "melt everything!  It’s friggen cold up there”.

Tamat : Disco dancing? Seriously?!? Why don’t you just have your legions destroy their source of music?

Thrall : Click on this golden exclamation mark to receive your answer!

Tamat :  Erm... what?

Thrall : Go ahead! Click!

Tamat : Fine…..

Thrall : Warrior! The time has come for you to destroy the Disco Ball of Power!  Will you accept this quest? The reward is 50 silver!

Tamat : Despite the crappy reward, this is still an interview! Can you please stick to the questions?

Thrall : Very well Human…..

Tamat : Recently you assisted Sylvanas in re-taking the Undercity. What were some of the biggest challenges that you faced?

Thrall : Challenges? In battle the Horde faces no challenges. Lok'tar ogar is the most sacred fundamental mindset of any of the Horde and literally translates to ‘victory or death’ in human tongue. However, Thrall does get lonely and there’s just something about Sylvanas that gave Thrall a hard time concentrating.

Tamat : You mean a 'difficult' time?

Thrall : I suppose either suffice human. I wonder if Sylvanas would consider going to dinner with a Warchief.

Tamat : Stop right there Thrall. I see where this is going.

Thrall : Very well.

Tamat : What’s going to happen to the Horde when you retire as Warchief?  Do you have a successor in mind?

Thrall :  Noob.

Tamat : What?

Thrall : Nobody can become Warchief anymore.  They removed honor titles years ago!

Tamat :  Um… Warchief wasn’t ever an attainable title.

Thrall :  Shows how long you've been around, noob! Seriously though, I've been thinking about letting a Mag’har named Borod Arthas O'Sama succeed me.  He will fight for change!

Tamat : What sort of change?  Didn't you already change the Horde?

Thrall :  Stop asking me inane questions I cannot answer!

Tamat : Alright Thrall, I give up. What would you like to talk about?

Thrall : Sylvanas!

Tamat : Anything but that.

Thrall : Korean Tundra!

Tamat : Korean Tundra? Isn't it Borean Tundra?

Thrall : No. I've heard all about it. Shortly after Garrosh Hellscream cheated during our 'internal disagreement', I sent him to Korean Tundra as punishment. He's overseeing our base of operations within Northrend but continues to complain about all of the junk mail he’s been receiving about something called “Gold Sale Cheap Plz”. I instructed him to keep an eye out for this indigenous vendor of sorts. They sound dangerous, not to mention annoying.

Tamat : Thrall, you really are a simple creature.

Thrall : Aka'Magosh, Human! Now I must go return to my Throne. I have need for a Warrior to accept the quest that you declined with such haste. The ‘Disco Ball of Power’ must be DESTROYED!

Tamat : Sigh. Good luck with that and thanks for the interview; if I can even call it that at this point.

The interview you've just read contains a fictional look at Thrall the Warchief and is meant for the sole purpose of entertainment. Moreover, the fictional depiction of Thrall was created by the author and not necessarily the views of Allakhazam.com or Blizzard Entertainment.

Andrew "Tamat" Beegle
Editor-in-Chief
Allakhazam.com