The Xbox Onesie is, somehow, not a joke
I... look, I don't have anything clever for this one, folks. I already used up my laughing headline for the Metal Gear Zombies thing.
I've been staring at this news item for like 16 hours and unfortunately with time being perceived as linear I'm at a very 'news it or lose it' moment with this thing. On the one hand, this falls way below my standards of actual news pertaining to videogames. On the other hand... it's an Xbox One-themed jumpsuit. I can't not have a reaction to this, even if that reaction is screaming into the void about us winding up in the worst of all possible futures.
Designed by Microsoft's Australian Xbox marketing department, the Xbox Onesie comes in two versions, white with black detailing and black with white detailing. Both designs are equipped with enlarged pockets suitable for carrying Xbox controllers, several remotes, a Windows Phone, several bags of Gamer Grub, and I assume the last of your dignity. Other features listed in the press release include "rollable legs and arms to cater for all temperatures and seasons" and "forearm grips to prevent slipping on those 'edge of your seat' moments." Oh, and you can even get your Gamertag embroidered on the front.
The Onesie will apparently be available in limited quantities exclusively for the Australian market, although 'when' and 'how much' are currently unknown. Personally I'm praying these don't actually exist outside of marketing images. There are already plenty of slouching-around-the-house garment-blankets which will undoubtedly run you a lot less and not lock you into some humiliating brand affiliation. Plus, think of how annoying Dorito and Mountain Dew stains would be to wash out of one of these things.
OK. Am I done? I'm done. God.