We're not just getting ONE Tetris movie, we're getting a TRILOGY

We can't risk getting a whole series of them, though, or they might vanish.

You may've heard murmurings of a big screen adaptation of that most beloved of narrative epics, Tetris. Well, it's happening, someone's put $80 million into it, and better yet, it's the first of a trilogy.

Deep breaths.

OK, so from the top: Hollywood-oriented news site Deadline reports that Threshold Global Studios, a newly-formed Chinese-American film company co-founded by Bruno Wu (Grace of Monaco; The Immigrant) and Larry Kasanoff (True Lies; Mortal Kombat), are developing Tetris the Movie as a "sci-fi thriller" geared toward international audiences. It will feature both Chinese and Western actors and is currently planned for a 2017 global release.

"It will be a cool surprise," Kasanoff tells Deadline, explaining that a film based on the tetromino puzzle game will be "not at all what you think."

Threshold sees Tetris as an ideal first foray into the global film market and reportedly has planned the film as the first of a trilogy. This is likely supposing the first one takes off, but given that Tetris is a narrative blank slate onto which explosions and shiny computer animation easily fit, you'll forgive me if I'm preemptively (cynically) confident the movie will make back its $80M and then some. Who knows, we might even get a new Pacific Rim out of it. A Pacific Rim about falling blocks.

Top image source: Black20 Studio's 2008 trailer for a sci-fi thriller Tetris movie, because we live in a universe beyond parody now.